Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
