Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Enjoy the penises
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
