New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
