I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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