i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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