i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
