I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
