i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
