She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
