True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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