I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize