I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tornado booty call.. dedication
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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