I just pynch a tree in the face
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
