Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
