oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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