a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize