I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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