I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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