I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
