wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize