I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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