Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
