whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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