Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
