yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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