Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
