Say something about gay babies.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
