Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
