You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
