Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think I won the penis lottery.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
