You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
