Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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