She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
