where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
