i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't think brook has ever known best
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
