She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
