Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
