You're my little dorito
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
