did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
