I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
