I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
