he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
