We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
