I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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