So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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