I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
