I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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