If that was your dad, he is hot
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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