What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
