1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
