who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
