I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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