Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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