I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
