Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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