Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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