i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
