you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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