I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize