i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
