I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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