She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
