The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
