He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
