my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
