YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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