bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
